knowing is better than wondering...

"a couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success: never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today. this is the man who discovered electricity. you think more people would listen to what he had to say. i don't know why we put things off, but if i had to guess, i'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear: fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? what if you're making a mistake you can't undo?

"we can't pretend we haven't been told. we've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. we have to make our own mistakes. we have to learn our own lessons. we have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant...

"that knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying."

meredith said this in one of her narrations on grey's anatomy, and it couldn't be more true. this pretty much sums up my life. i used to always be so afraid of making the wrong decision, so afraid of failing and disappointing everyone. then as i got a little older i started to realize that i need to make these mistakes in order to grow and learn. otherwise i'm not going anywhere. i'm stagnant.

then i actually started making those mistakes. it wasn't easy at first. in fact, i pretty much hit rock bottom the first couple times. but with each one i became stronger and stronger, until i finally got to the point where i could resonate with and embrace the last part of that quote. and i truly believe that...knowing IS better than wondering. i have a friend who is married and still in love with another guy. it eats away at her everyday as she wonders "what if?" i don't have to wonder anymore with steve. and although i don't necessarily consider it a failure, some people might. after all, it didn't end "successfully". we're not talking. it's like one day someone is one of your best friends and the next day you never even knew them. four years...just like that. for what? well i truly believe i wouldn't be who i am today if it wasn't for him. so in my mind, it's not a failure. but even if that's what you wanna call it, it sure does beat the hell out of never trying.