our deepest fear...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

i went to a sneak preview of "akeelah and the bee" tonight, and it was so inspiring. this quote was featured in the film and i just thought it was so great. i've never really seen it this way before. yet it's one of those things that is so true and we need to live like it's true. good thing it pretty much speaks for itself cuz i'm too tired to be deep right now...

the chronicles of cleveland: the hearse, the screening and the red eye

i arrived in cleveland at 7am this morning. i just love red eye flights. it's bad enough that i can't sleep on a plane when i'm flying somewhere in the middle of the day. that messes with you a little. but when you can't sleep on a plane, and you're flying in the middle of the night when you should be warm and cozy in your bed, that really fucks you up. i know i have no control over the plane, but for some reason if i'm awake, i think i do. more than anything, i think i just like to be aware of what's going on around me. i was able to fly first class on the way here cuz it was cheaper...go figure. i was in the front row. i actually had room to stretch out my legs. and the chair was pretty comfortable (or so i thought until i got off the plane with a stiff neck).

anyway, i fought sleep for the first couple of hours. i even ate the meal they offered and i was so far from hungry. i'm not even sure what i ate now that i think about it. i think it was some shrimp thing. and i remember salami. and crackers. what a weird combination. oh, and there were grapes! yah, those were good. so, i did everything to stay awake as long as i could and the minute i actually started to doze off, we hit major turbulence. i stayed pretty calm. i looked around from person to person. everyone around me was fast asleep. i just stared at the glass of juice next to me. watching the liquid sway from side to side, then spilling over the top. i didn't even bother to clean it up. i was trying not to think about it. i was glad when we finally landed. but tired as hell.

i went straight to the american greetings corporate office from the airport. it's an amazing building, and such a great, creative environment. i was in a little bit of a daze but i really enjoyed the brief tour i got. from there i went to my hotel, where i was so happy they let me in early. i was actually able to take a shower and change before the screening, which i was worried i wouldn't be able to do. i had this image of all of these people shaking my hand and hugging me, all the while thinking "god, she smells like shit." so glad i didn't have to worry about that.

so, after the screening, i walk out to the lobby and asked the lady at the front desk how i could get a cab back to my hotel. she directed me to a phone around the corner and i called the cab company. they said "we'll be there as soon as possible." i was like, can you give me more of an estimate as to how long it will be? "we'll be there as soon as possible." awesome, thanks. so, i waited. and waited. talked to my mom on the phone. and waited some more. after about a half hour, i called them back and asked for the status of my cab. they couldn't tell me anything, except for that they would let the driver know i was still waiting. i kinda laughed (well, more of an "i'm getting impatient and this isn't fun anymore" chuckle), as if letting the driver know i was still waiting was gonna do any good, i'm sure.

it was getting colder outside and i didn't have my jacket with me. i decided to go back inside and wait. and i waited. and waited some more. i finally went back up to the front desk to ask if there were any other methods of transportation. i had now been waiting an hour. and i was exhausted. there was a lady signing for a "package" next to me. she asked where i was going, i told her the hyatt. she offered to give me a ride, and i was like "oh, that's ok. thank you though." she reassured me, "don't worry, i won't mug ya." i wasn't worried about that, i told her. i thought about it for a sec, then i said "are you sure you don't mind." "no," she said, "as long as you don't mind riding in a hearse."

at this point, i would have laid down with the dead body in the back. i just wanted to get back to my hotel and crawl into bed! so, i hopped in that hearse, excited to be out of that place. lindsay (that was her name, although she didn't look like a lindsay) offered me a cigarette. i told her i didn't smoke, but thanked her. she proceeded to light up and regale me with stories of working in the mortuary business. she told me about how sometimes she would have to go on small road trips with these corpses in the back. she said it didn't bother her...the hardest thing was always finding a place to park when she had to stop to go to the bathroom or something. i guess they have really strict rules about leaving the car, etc. anyway, i had a great time. i always love learning about other peoples' lives. i wish there was a job where i could just sit and listen to people tell me their stories all day long. apart from being a psychologist :)

well, i'm gonna shut up and try to get some sleep now. i'm still fighting to keep my eyes open. tomorrow: the rock and roll hall of fame!