how are you doing?
how are you doing?
it's a question we ask everyday, but often fail to hear the response
we are too busy thinking about what we ourselves have to say
it's a question we are asked everyday...
at the coffee shop on the way to work in the morning
as you walk around your place of employment
in line at the grocery store
when a server approaches your table
...but very rarely is it asked sincerely
i appreciate the people in my life that pause to hear what i have to say when they ask me how i'm doing. i really appreciate those people who have the patience to put up with me even when i can't formulate a response to such a simple question. because, lately, the truth is...i just don't know.
i came back from europe this month thinking i'd finally be able to make some changes. thinking this experience would help me get my ass in gear. i got it out of my system so now i can move on and focus on other things, right? yah, not so much. i'm beginning to think that with age comes ambiguity. i always imagined the opposite to be true...that with age would come clarity and wisdom and a sense of direction and meaning. but i can't seem to make a fucking decision anymore. i feel even more lost than i did before i left. i feel even more lost than i did 4 years ago. nothing seems to fit. it's like i have all these puzzle pieces of my life, but they don't go together...they all belong to completely different puzzles. i'm having a really hard time making sense of anything. it's almost like i'm watching myself from the outside. and my heart is yelling at my body and my mind. i feel paralyzed. physically. emotionally. spiritually.
i was watching grey's anatomy tonight, and the episode itself wasn't that great, but the end really got to me. meredith says, "too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. desire leaves us heartbroken. it wears us out. desire can wreck your life. but as tough as wanting something can be…the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."
i used to be the former person...i fear i have become the latter.
it's a question we ask everyday, but often fail to hear the response
we are too busy thinking about what we ourselves have to say
it's a question we are asked everyday...
at the coffee shop on the way to work in the morning
as you walk around your place of employment
in line at the grocery store
when a server approaches your table
...but very rarely is it asked sincerely
i appreciate the people in my life that pause to hear what i have to say when they ask me how i'm doing. i really appreciate those people who have the patience to put up with me even when i can't formulate a response to such a simple question. because, lately, the truth is...i just don't know.
i came back from europe this month thinking i'd finally be able to make some changes. thinking this experience would help me get my ass in gear. i got it out of my system so now i can move on and focus on other things, right? yah, not so much. i'm beginning to think that with age comes ambiguity. i always imagined the opposite to be true...that with age would come clarity and wisdom and a sense of direction and meaning. but i can't seem to make a fucking decision anymore. i feel even more lost than i did before i left. i feel even more lost than i did 4 years ago. nothing seems to fit. it's like i have all these puzzle pieces of my life, but they don't go together...they all belong to completely different puzzles. i'm having a really hard time making sense of anything. it's almost like i'm watching myself from the outside. and my heart is yelling at my body and my mind. i feel paralyzed. physically. emotionally. spiritually.
i was watching grey's anatomy tonight, and the episode itself wasn't that great, but the end really got to me. meredith says, "too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can't have. desire leaves us heartbroken. it wears us out. desire can wreck your life. but as tough as wanting something can be…the people who suffer the most are those who don't know what they want."
i used to be the former person...i fear i have become the latter.
posted by the shorter story... at 11:06 PM
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